“I’m a first-time bridesmaid in a wedding this fall. What are some responsibilities along with proper bridesmaid etiquette that I should know?”
We received this question recently, and with so many ladies filling a bridesmaid role (many for the first time), we want to make sure we cover ALL the details for you!
So, what do bridesmaids do, exactly? We covered specific tasks for the bride’s BFFs in this blog, but if you’re looking for the bridesmaids’ general responsibilities, those can differ. A bridesmaid isn’t just a meaningless title – there is actually quite a bit involved in the role! Let’s review below!
Bridesmaid Responsibilities + Etiquette: What to Keep in Mind
A bridesmaid’s duties start as soon as you are asked to fill the role (usually months before the wedding) and extend through the wedding night. Let’s go over all that’s involved in being a bridesmaid!
Show up!
Attend all the things. And there will be quite a few events! Engagement party. Bridal showers (try to attend at least one if you can’t make multiple events). Bachelorette party. Rehearsal. Rehearsal dinner. Getting ready together. The wedding (a non-negotiable!). Being a bridesmaid will quickly fill up your calendar, but hey – lots of excuses to get dressed up and celebrate a person you love!
The bride may or may not ask all of her bridesmaids to attend dress try-ons and fittings, but if she does ask and you can make one or two trips, it’s a very nice gesture to tag along and offer honest but always supportive, positive advice.
Additionally, the bride may ask certain bridesmaids to take on certain responsibilities within the ceremony or reception (reading passages, giving toasts, etc.). Do your best to cheerfully accept these roles, even if they’re a bit out of your comfort zone.
Budget for Certain Purchases
If you agree to take on the bridesmaid role, you’ll be expected to pay for attire, events, and gifts. Realistically, the cost of being a bridesmaid can total several hundred dollars, so be prepared to budget wisely! Here’s what you’re expected to pay for and contribute to:
Bridesmaid dress – the bride may give guidelines and let you shop for your own, or she may have a specific style picked out. Either way, in most cases, bridesmaids are expected to purchase their own dress.
Shoes + jewelry – again, the bride may have a certain pair she’d like everyone to wear or she may give a general guideline (nude strappy, black chunky heel, gold earrings). Do your best to find items that fit her wishes.
Professional hair, makeup and nails for the Wedding – if funds for any of these services are an issue, be sure to let the bride know up front and ask if she’s ok with you doing your own. If she does want everyone to have a specific style – especially an updo or intricate hairstyle, it’s best to do all you can to spring for the pro service.
Shower gift – along with offering to help the host, it’s customary for bridesmaids to give the couple a gift at the shower, or contribute to a large group gift. When in doubt, you can never go wrong choosing something from their registry!
Wedding weekend transportation + accommodations – be ready to pay for a hotel, flights and/or transportation if the wedding isn’t local, in addition to other travel costs. Lots to budget for, but often an excuse for a fun trip to somewhere new!
Pitch in with Planning (and Paying)
The Maid or Matron of Honor is typically the person to take the lead on planning pre-wedding events to celebrate the bride, but as a bridesmaid, you’re expected to chip in both with the logistics and the funds. Don’t leave all of the prep work to the MOH!
Bridal shower – offer to help the MOH as well as any of the bride’s family members who may also be contributing to shower preparations. Whether you contribute your time by helping with setup, or pitch in financially by offering to pay for certain items, every bit of support is appreciated.
Bachelorette party transportation + accommodations + gift – the hallmark event of the bridesmaid responsibilities! As a bridesmaid, you’re expected to pay your own way to the bachelorette party and also to chip in for costs of food, decor, and activities. Generally, the bride’s costs for this event are all covered by her bridal party. If you absolutely can’t make it to the event, consider contributing toward the bride’s expenses or sending a thoughtful gift.
Help Where You Can
Above all, bridesmaid responsibilities include being a source of emotional support for the bride! Even if she doesn’t need you to assist with DIY projects, offer to listen to her vent on occasion, give advice where you can, and provide encouragement along the way. As stressful as being a bridesmaid may be, planning a wedding can take a mental toll! Sometimes, simply showing up and reminding the bride that you’re by her side can mean the most.
Bridesmaid Etiquette to Remember
Go with the flow: Your suggestions are welcome, within reason, but the bride has the final say on bridesmaids’ attire. Even if it’s not your favorite style, it’s one night of wearing something that makes your friend happy. Worth it!
Make friends! This isn’t your reality TV version of The Bachelorette. Chances are, the bride has brought together friends from different seasons of her life, so you may not know everyone right away. Embrace the opportunity to get to know the other bridesmaids, be welcoming, and enjoy celebrating someone you all care about.
Know the plan and help keep the day on track: the wedding day will follow an itinerary to keep things on schedule. Be helpful to the bride, her family, and the vendors she’s carefully selected by being on time, not complaining when it’s time for photos and having a cheerful attitude throughout the day. This may also mean pitching in with small tasks during the day or cleanup if needed!
Keep the dance floor going: there’s nothing more awkward for a couple (and their band or DJ) when the dance floor is noticeably empty. Take the lead as a bridesmaid, grab some hands, and get out there and DANCE!
